Healing Within the Blur

I want to talk about some key concepts offered by Robert Moore years ago in a men’s workshop concerning the importance of recognizing archaic human longing. When men get together with an expectation for achieving a depth of intimacy, this ancient longing is activated. Of course this also applies to all humans.

Robert said this archaic human longing is – simply put – a longing for enthusiastic response. The notion is none of us got enough enthusiastic response growing up. (see Bly on the shadow) It seems to me you know you’re in it when you notice the intensity of your desire too be seen or known feels curiously, painfully humiliating.

In order to survive the pain of the recognition of what this must mean about us, we all develop a grandiose exhibitionistic self. We find a way to pump ourselves up, say we don’t need the enthusiastic love and acceptance of the one who would withhold this. What do you know about your grandiosity? Note this would be a compensatory grandiosity rather than a connection with true grandiosity via ego-Self reunion.

Because that defense takes so much energy, we then develop a defense against the grandiosity, dedicated to facilitating radical grounding. These two reflect something of a bipolar experience, mania followed by depression if you will.

Until we’re able to work into the core wound about not being seen and celebrated, allowing us to connect with, embody, and embrace our split off hurt feelings, confusion, and vulnerability, we are set up to rely on addiction defenses. Here, one gives up on approaching the longed for human connection, and instead substitutes an enthusiasm for X, Y, or Z. The addiction cycle keeps us busy with longing, longing satisfied, loss of satisfaction, and the inevitable crash. After some recovery time, we’re back at it.

We might say all the X, Y, and Z’s are but “counterfeits of goodness“. (Beatrice to Dante in the Divine Comedy)

Application: it’s helpful to think of these in a vertical column and always try to move up towards your longing. This means approaching as directly as you can that which is painful, most vulnerable and likely humiliating. If you find yourself in your grandiosity, ask where is my longing and go there directly.

If you find yourself in radical grounding/depression, ask where is my grandiosity as the grounding/depression experience is likely a defense against your grandiosity.

If you catch yourself in a little or big addiction cycle, think about who really matters to you and approach them directly about the enthusiasm problem.

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